Not the usual topic of conversation ‘round these parts.
But when I’ve had an obsession with Heston Blumenthal’s cooking for over a fortnight, it’s impossible to go a day without mentioning liquid nitrogen, popping candy, or what’s happening with those v-neck t-shirts.
My family’s vetting psychologists as I type.
Having spent the weekend watching reruns of his cooking shows (I’m in the UK and can legitimately watch them all online –> don’t judge), I hopped onto YouTube and discovered this little gem – a demo of a blender he’s advocating for a huge UK retailer.
It’s called The Boss (
This lead me to visit the website where said device was being sold.
[insert horrified face here]
[better if you saw the actual copy …]
I couldn’t help but think the product description was just so … average.
And who wants to be average?
Especially when you’re aligned with a chef that’s anything but.
So being who I am, I couldn’t help but rewrite it.
It’s like taking Mel Gibson to Scotland and not expecting him to yell ”They may take our hearts, but they’ll never take our freedooooooooom !”
That’s the first and last time Mel and I will be mentioned in the same article together.
Back to the matter at hand:
What do you notice about the copy from John Lewis? Here’s my take:
Aptly named the Boss™; this easy to use, high velocity super blender will take charge in your kitchen. With simple one touch functions, minimum intervention is required putting you in complete control with this blender.
It starts off well, but then contradicts itself. The blender takes charge in your kitchen … and then puts you in control? Hhmm …
Create everything from scratch from green smoothies to hot soup, from sorbets to hummus and nut butters to flour. The Boss™ features a high velocity ProKinetix® blade and bowl system that pulverises virtually any combination of ingredients, creating up to 50% smaller particles than traditional blending. This super fine texture creates a smoother taste compared to traditional blenders.
This section begins well with the benefits, and then moves onto features that nobody cares about. More importantly – do buyers really consider food particles being 50% smaller as an advantage … or do they want something else?
The ad then moves onto more features that make my heart sink, my eyes glaze over, and my hands reach for the nearest sugar laden protein bar since there’s no way I’m buying this blender and attempting to make my own.
Analysis done. Here’s how I rewrote it:
We call it The Boss for a reason
Blitz, mix and blend?
It leaves such ordinary behaviour to amateurs and uses its 3-horse motor power to revolutionise the cooking brilliance happening in your kitchen.
The innocent chickpeas and olive oil you pour into the jug are blasted by the ProKinetix blades to create a hummus so smooth you’ll want to lather your skin with it.
It takes humble nuts and seeds, and lovingly crushes them to form protein bars your local health freak would salivate over.
And if you’re feeling like a guilty pleasure? It makes like Heston to create a luscious Marie Rose sauce to expertly complete a Prawn Cocktail the ‘70s would be jealous of.
Silky sharp soups, irresistible pesto, refreshing Grenita, Sunday special pancakes … your options are endless.
So to simply call it a blender? Would be insulting.
- 3 Horse Power Motor (no horses were harmed in the making of this machine)
- Pro Kinetix contoured blade and bowl system
- Large back-lit LCD screen – for secret midnight snacking we won’t tell anyone about
- 2L commercial grade Triton jug
- Variable 12 speed putting-you-in control
- Pre-set functions (smoothies, frozen dessert, soup, ice crush) to take the thinking out of your most savoured concoctions
Here comes the teachable moment
- What do you notice about the two versions? Which one uses more benefits to features and wins you over?
- Which one helps you visualise using the product?
- Is one more fun to read than the other?
Now, I may be a copy geek and rewrite ads for fun (seriously), but it’s something to put into practice for your business too.
Take a look at the services page on your website. Does it evoke images of what a client will experience when working with you, or does it list the stuff they’ll get (60 minute call, a plan of action, a complete website)?
A picture may paint a thousand words, but a thousand words? Can make intimate images so personal to the reader that they’ll make an irrevocable connection to them (and to you).
TELL ME I’M NOT ALONE: Have you seen sales copy and thought could do better? How would you have rewritten it? Lemme know in the comments, yo.
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