How often have you …
Had an argument with someone and spent hours going around in circles about who’s to blame … while the problem itself remains unresolved?
“You were meant to unload the dishwasher”
“No, I told you I’d be late home from work and you agreed to do it”
Meanwhile, dishwasher’s still fat with gleaming dishes.
“The data you gave me for the client presentation was incorrect”
“You read the presentation slides four times and didn’t mention any errors”
The client’s still clueless about the numbers they need.
“The kids need to learn that all of us are responsible for how we keep the house. Why don’t you use the rota I prepared?”
“I don’t need to police my kids. We started the rota because you didn’t do YOUR share of the work”
The kids play while the parents argue.
How do we navigate disagreements intelligently?
As Jordan Peterson points out in this video, you’re probably wrong in some important way. So listening to the person speaking to you will, at the very least, teach you something new.
Not doing this is like following map with the incorrect street names on it. You’ll end up somewhere you didn’t want to go.
How do healthy relationships operate in times of conflict?
Here’s principle #1:
We do better when we focus on solving the problem, not who’s to blame.
As tough as it is.
As much as you may want to sling the mud.
Even when you know you’re not in the wrong.
Let go of the ego. Put pride to one side. Focus on solving the problem you face.
To blame is to avoid the bigger picture.
What to do now?
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